Empty Nest Syndrome
Well it finally happened had my dose of empty nest syndrome, my middle child has left home to spread his wings. Came sooner than I was expecting; yesterday in fact. Just hit me like a bolt of lightning.
Empty Nest Syndrome -It really exists
It’s funny I thought empty nest syndrome was for WI members and people that like knitting and borrowing CDs from libraries (I don’t get out much). But no because it just happened to little old me.
Empty nest syndrome you can fuck off right now. I was absolutely devastated, felt empty, worthless, useless, alone, lonely and I’ll be honest I cried myself to sleep. I was beside myself something and someone important was missing from my life. My middle baby boy has grown up. He is starting at University soon and it’s time for me to let go. The pain of letting go of a child into the outside world is a physical and emotional pain. I knew it was coming but even so, the pain of it hit me like a sledgehammer last night.
It wasn’t because I was alone yesterday I spend a lot of time on my own and I honestly don’t mind my own company. I’ve never been one for socialising every minute of the day. But this was a different alone, an empty alone, a kind of who am I now kind of alone. I was numb.
As I previously mentioned last night was a severe case of the empty nest syndrome and this morning I won’t lie I had another little cry but then told myself stop! enough tears now Wardy… This is my job as a Mother. I carried him in my belly for 9 months, brought him up teaching him right from wrong, we had a little bit of a blip with that one along the way but he pulled himself out of it and made me a very proud mother and he still does. He’s finished his A’Levels. He has found himself a beautiful, friendly, caring, intelligent, artistic girl who I would be honoured to have as a daughter in law. It’s time for him to live his life. He is taking that next step and I am so unbelievably proud of him; I don’t think he realises how much.
When I finally started to get my head around it this morning I realised the empty nest syndrome is actually a positive thing. It means I have done my job to the best of my ability and so far for 24 years. I know I am not perfect by a long shot in fact but then who is?
Who am I?
Now it is time to find out who I am. I mean who am I? If I don’t know you certainly don’t. Yes, my name is Tracey, I was born in Leicester, I now live in North Yorkshire, I studied art and design and University but that isn’t me. It isn’t who I am. I now have that opportunity to find that out and find my purpose in life, my service to humanity, my passions and my desires, I’m at a crossroads and I am now going to, at the same time as my son, take a leap of faith and embrace the future.
The one word that fills my soul now is “HOPE“. A hope for a future not just for me but for everyone. Hope is such a strong emotion and a powerful word and thought. It is the one thing that people have when they find themselves in dark places, or situations, with no idea or knowledge of any escape from it. Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel. You keep your eye on that light and move closer and closer to it following your soul’s path whatever that may be.
I know my future is going to be important and on many levels. I know that setting up Harrogate Black Dog two years ago was the right thing to do, I know that writing poetry was the right thing to do, I know that writing a book was the right thing to do and I know writing this blog is the right thing for me to do. My future is the written word and it is going to take me on a journey of discovery and of helping others along the way.
I can now actually look back and see that everything that has happened in my life was for a reason, they were all stepping stones to take me to this very point in my life. I know with every ounce of my being I am doing the right thing.
Light Bulb Moment
I think what I want to say is to any other mothers out there going through the empty nest syndrome, you know what, give yourself a bloody good pat on the back. Being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs in this world but also one of the most rewarding. Your babies are now going out into the big wide world and will succeed because of you.
This is your turn to find out what makes you tick again, for you to get that fire back in your belly. Start new hobbies, interests or get back in touch with some old ones.
We have been given a life to live and that is what we must do. Because you know what… when you stop… and pause.. just for a minute.. look around you.. take it all in.. life can be magical. Life “is” magical.
Right, I’m just going to feed my unicorn and go for a gallop; you can join me if you like ;).
Love you all