My worst ever date
Oh, this was an easy one for me, my worst ever date. I can’t remember his name now because I changed it on my phone to read creepy old git. Actually creepy should be in capital letters, bold and underlined at least five times.
When did the date take place?
This, my worst ever date, happened approximately four years ago. We did the usual chatting on the dating site thing; which was called Badoo (please guys do not use this site it is the worst I have come across it attracts weirdos like you wouldn’t believe). Now I was pretty naive about dating sites and dating full stop back then. He did have a photo on his site but it was very small and could just make out he had dark hair and that was about it.
We seemed to get on reasonably well so I gave him my number and we progressed to texting each other. I think we texted for a couple of weeks maybe; it could have been less. I remember he was in sales of some sort; which I hate to admit to now but if someone is in sales I don’t go on a date with them, as a rule, I just find them too pushy. Texting progressed to speaking on the telephone and he seemed to have a nice voice, a little pushy I thought but not too bad.
Because a little bit of me was a bit cautious I definitely wanted to meet him in a very public place. He suggested McDonald’s at a local retail park. Last of the big spenders I know. It’s hardly a romantic setting but thank god it wasn’t.
We decided to meet outside the Boots store. As I was walking up to the store I noticed a bloke looking in my direction, I can tell you hand on heart I had a little bit of sick in my mouth. First of all, he looked about 20 years older than he said he was. But, I’m really sorry Alan Titchmarsh fans, he looked like a cross between Alan Titchmarsh and a Chuckle brother, leaning more towards the chuckle brother. I did not find him attractive at all, not one little bit and his eyes were just dead; I mean scary dead.
I said hello when I really wanted to say goodbye but as the big softy chicken that I am I reluctantly walked with him across to McDonald’s, knowing full well I wanted to be going in the opposite direction and fast. I kept telling myself it’s just a quick coffee then I can go. We got our coffees sat down and he had this unbearable loud voice, he kept making comments as if we were a solid done thing, practically engaged. I was so embarrassed, he kept touching my hand and my arm, my hair, everyone kept looking over and I was starting to feel nauseous. I changed the subject from “us” to horses. He had a couple of horses and I love horses so thought it would be a good way to change the subject.
His face lit up when I got onto the subject of horses. He promptly got out his phone and started showing me the photos of his horses. Then he gave me the phone to hold and told me to have a look, so I kept swiping trying to be polite and gave him the phone back, but his response was, “no there is more”. Well oh my fucking god wasn’t there just. The next photo was of him in women’s underwear including stockings and high heels kneeling on a double bed. I remember looking up at him and looking at the phone again; it was definitely him. I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or be sick.
At this point the deadness in his eyes made me feel very nervous and uncomfortable combined with the photo I had in front of me. I think I mumbled something along the lines of “this is you” talk about quoting the bloody obvious. His reply was even worse, he told me he had them in his car if he wanted me to see him in them. Woahhh neddy no thank you.
It was at this point he for some reason thought the date was going swimmingly. He was now trying to convince me as we had finished the coffee we should sit in his car and have a chat. Needless to say, I turned him down on this generous offer of his. I made some excuse to this day I can’t remember exactly what and told him I had to get home for whatever reason. I told him I’d call him (I had no intention of doing so in the slightest) and started to walk away.
Got to my car
My car was getting closer and closer and I was starting to feel safer and more relieved the closer I got. I could not wait to get inside and drive off. I clicked the remote earlier than usual and finally got in and was so relieved. As I put the key into the ignition my car door opened and I turned around. Next thing you know I have his tongue down my throat – I kid you not! I have never felt so repulsed or sick before. He obviously thought we were going to live happily ever after – no way, no way on this earth pal. I pushed him away trying to remain calm and told him I’d call him.
I locked my doors straight away and put my friend on the loudspeaker as I sped off. I asked her if she had cake because I needed to get the taste of him out of my mouth. I’d never wanted to eat cake so much in my life. As soon as I got there I started to tell her about what happened between us both we went through quite a few emotions and gladly ended up laughing about it; my close encounter with a chuckle brother – from me to you….
I have learned from this experience. I now refuse to meet anyone who only has one photo and wherever possible do not meet anyone unless I have a conversation via skype first. If I had had a skype video conversation with this bloke I would never have been in that situation. I just would not have met him full stop.
So guys learn from my errors and I hope you never end up with this guy or anyone similar.
If you want to share your disastrous dating experiences please do.
It’s Friday which means a weekend is upon us. Everyone have a great one and be happy in whatever it is you do.