Dating Sites Make My Head Spin
Every now and then I join a dating website and see what is going on in the local area and which men are free and single. That’s a joke in itself because most of them seem to be married or in a relationship and just wanting a bit on the side. It still amazes me to this day that people do this. The other thing that I have noticed is that people are still using the same profile photos they did ten years ago. It just seems to be the same group of people that are constantly on the site. Then I got thinking that they will probably be thinking the same thing about me. I had a double check of my profile and although the photos were fairly recent I changed them anyway. Whenever you change your photo you seem to get an influx of new views but nothing else. Dating websites are a complete and utter nightmare they really are.
Please Be Honest
Please, guys and girls, come to that please be honest. Liars always get found out. Don’t pretend you are the Chief Executive of some company when in fact you stack shelves at the local supermarket. Firstly it makes you look stupid and secondly the right person wouldn’t care if you stacked shelves in Aldi or flew a helicopter for a living – well the people who matter wouldn’t. Not only are you lying to the other people you are lying to yourself. It is the same with regards to age. I know I can not comment on women’s profiles as I can’t see them but I expect they are the same. Don’t lie about your age. This seriously winds me up. If someone can’t even be honest about that I am not going to be able to trust them full stop. I don’t care about your age one way or another what I do care about is whether you are honest about it or not.
Dating Websites Are A Complete And Utter Nightmare
Several times this year I have got talking to someone who I was getting on really well with. They had a nice photo but only one. Now I have come to learn it is a big mistake to choose someone based on just one photo and I learnt this the hard way (remember my previous post about the chuckle brother lookalike) but not this year I learnt my lesson. These days I will not meet them until they sent me another photo; I mean it was only fair they had about six of mine compared to their one. Then the truth starts to come out. “If I send you a photo you won’t like me anymore” and I’m like, “why wouldn’t I? if you look like your photo there won’t be a problem”. As it turned out the photos were of them but about 20 years ago and they obviously looked completely different. This is such a shame because yes they had a nice personality but they still lied to me and that it’s then as far as I’m concerned. Circle of trust and all that.
I’m Not Going To Be Your Wank Line
I don’t know it is with men. They come out of a long-term relationship and it’s like woah I can have phone sex now with as many women as I can and all at the same time. Err no.. not with me you ain’t mate and no it doesn’t mean I am odd or weird or a prude; far from it. It’s called self-respect. Why would I want to send photos of my bits and pieces to someone I don’t know? What the fuck is that all about? When did that become part of the dating process? So please guys, keep your cock in your pants! I mean really please do! That is not code for ahh go on send it to me. Keep it in your Y-Fronts and do us all a favour. All I can say right now is, think of a turtle without its shell on.. and in most cases believe me we are talking terrapin not tortoise and definitely not sea turtle!
I thought I would share with you some tips for future reference when choosing a photo for your profile.
- Make it current (within the last year is a good start)
- Show yourself smiling or having fun
- Ditch the stupid rabbit nose and ear filters – you just look stupid
- Keep your tongue in your mouth – It makes you look gormless and unimaginative
- If you are in your bathroom taking the photo make sure your toilet is clean
- No more holding fish pleeeeeaaassee honestly it is not funny
- Don’t stand next to someone else’s Porsche we are not stupid, and it also makes you look like a bell end.
- Don’t use someone elses’s photo and pretend it is you
If I read one more “I’m a glass half full kinda guy” or “I love to go for a walk on the moors and end up in the pub for lunch in front of a fire” or “my kids are my world” or “I love to watch a DVD on the sofa with a glass of red wine”. Fuck me; come on is that the best you can do? I mean seriously?
“I want a woman who looks after herself and is a size 8” hahahahahah sorry excuse me while I choke on my red wine and Yorkshire pudding in front of the pub fire. Tell you what guys you give birth to 3 children and get back into the jeans you wore as a teenager I dare you! You muppets.
I might be sounding a bit harsh right now and hand on heart it is not meant to be at all; it is all tongue in cheek. I know from some of the men I have had the pleasure of talking to that women’s profiles can be just as bad if not worse in some cases.
Well, this I don’t really have the answer to. I wish I did I could make a bloody fortune. There are days when I look at profiles and laugh so much and there are days I read them and I just despair. I’m not really sure where it all went tits up but it did. People hide behind their screens being someone they are not which is completely ridiculous. Think I may have to write a book about the art of chatting someone up as people seem to have forgotten how to do it. Look out world I’m on your case.
Well I hope you have all had a fantastic weekend. The weather has been amazing and you know what us British are like we do like to talk about the weather. So Let’s hope we have a few more blue skies this upcoming week.
Catch you soon