Empty Nest Syndrome

Empty Nest Syndrome

Well it finally happened had my dose of empty nest syndrome, my middle child has left home to spread his wings.  Came sooner than I was expecting; yesterday in fact.  Just hit me like a bolt of lightning.  

Empty Nest Syndrome -It really exists

It’s funny I thought empty nest syndrome was for WI members and people that like knitting and borrowing CDs from libraries (I don’t get out much).    But no because it just happened to little old me.  

Tears

Empty nest syndrome you can fuck off right now.  I was absolutely devastated, felt empty, worthless, useless, alone, lonely and I’ll be honest I cried myself to sleep.  I was beside myself something and someone important was missing from my life.  My middle baby boy has grown up.  He is starting at University soon and it’s time for me to let go.  The pain of letting go of a child into the outside world is a physical and emotional pain.  I knew it was coming but even so, the pain of it hit me like a sledgehammer last night.

Alone

It wasn’t because I was alone yesterday I spend a lot of time on my own and I honestly don’t mind my own company.  I’ve never been one for socialising every minute of the day.  But this was a different alone, an empty alone, a kind of who am I now kind of alone.  I was numb.

Awakening

As I previously mentioned last night was a severe case of the empty nest syndrome and this morning I won’t lie I had another little cry but then told myself stop! enough tears now Wardy… This is my job as a Mother.  I carried him in my belly for 9 months, brought him up teaching him right from wrong, we had a little bit of a blip with that one along the way but he pulled himself out of it and made me a very proud mother and he still does.  He’s finished his A’Levels.  He has found himself a beautiful, friendly, caring, intelligent, artistic girl who I would be honoured to have as a daughter in law.  It’s time for him to live his life.  He is taking that next step and I am so unbelievably proud of him; I don’t think he realises how much.

Reborn

When I finally started to get my head around it this morning I realised the empty nest syndrome is actually a positive thing.  It means I have done my job to the best of my ability and so far for 24 years.  I know I am not perfect by a long shot in fact but then who is?  

Who am I?

Now it is time to find out who I am.  I mean who am I?  If I don’t know you certainly don’t.  Yes, my name is Tracey, I was born in Leicester, I now live in North Yorkshire, I studied art and design and University but that isn’t me.  It isn’t who I am.  I now have that opportunity to find that out and find my purpose in life, my service to humanity, my passions and my desires, I’m at a crossroads and I am now going to, at the same time as my son, take a leap of faith and embrace the future.  

Hope

The one word that fills my soul now is “HOPE“.   A hope for a future not just for me but for everyone.  Hope is such a strong emotion and a powerful word and thought.   It is the one thing that people have when  they find themselves in dark places, or situations, with no idea or knowledge of any escape from it.   Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel.  You keep your eye on that light and move closer and closer to it following your soul’s path whatever that may be.  

Future

I know my future is going to be important and on many levels.  I know that setting up Harrogate Black Dog two years ago was the right thing to do, I know that writing poetry was the right thing to do, I know that writing a book was the right thing to do and I know writing this blog is the right thing for me to do.  My future is the written word and it is going to take me on a journey of discovery and of helping others along the way.  

I can now actually look back and see that everything that has happened in my life was for a reason, they were all stepping stones to take me to this very point in my life.   I know with every ounce of my being I am doing the right thing.  

Light Bulb Moment

I think what I want to say is to any other mothers out there going through the empty nest syndrome, you know what, give yourself a bloody good pat on the back.  Being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs in this world but also one of the most rewarding.  Your babies are now going out into the big wide world and will succeed because of you.  

Your Turn

This is your turn to find out what makes you tick again, for you to get that fire back in your belly.  Start new hobbies, interests or get back in touch with some old ones.

We have been given a life to live and that is what we must do.  Because you know what… when you stop… and pause.. just for a minute.. look around you.. take it all in.. life can be magical.  Life “is” magical.

Right, I’m just going to feed my unicorn and go for a gallop; you can join me if you like ;).

Love you all

Tracey xXx

empty nest syndrome
I give you my love by Tracey Ward

 

Old Camera

Old Camera

I’ve just found my old camera and it still has photos on from about 5 years ago.  The only holiday I’ve had in 19 years can you believe that.. anyway I went to a little place called Bembridge which is on the Isle of Wight.  Have to say this is one of my most favourite places.  I could quite easily live there for the rest of my life no problem.  

Photos

I am just going to post some of the photos of my time there.  A little snapshot into my past so to speak.  Hope you don’t find them too boring.

lioness and wasp
Lioness and Wasp

The photo above if you look closely you can see there is a wasp bothering her which is why she is snarling. 

tiger drinking
Tiger drinking

As you can probably tell I love cats, especially BIG cats.

albino Lion
Albino Lion

This lion was so incredibly gorgeous.  I was very honoured to hear it roar before it was fed.  I can’t remember the statists now the keeper did tell us the but roar of a lion can be felt inside you because it resonates at an unbelievable level.  The hairs stood up on my arms.

harvey houdini
Harvey Houdini and his then Girlfriend

The lab belonged to the relative whose house I was staying in.  Harvey tried to hump the poor thing at every given opportunity – he’s such a dirty dog. 

Osborne House
Osborne House

My youngest two outside Osborne House.  This has to be my favourite historical building I have been to so far.  It is beautiful and is set in beautiful surroundings.  When looking around you can feel how loved Prince Albert was by Queen Victoria.   I actually felt quite emotional in her bedroom.  She passed away on the chaise lounge at the end of her bed.  But by the side of the bed, she had a portrait of Prince Albert which I found very touching. It was the first thing she saw when she awoke and the last thing she saw before closing her eyes.

jean osbourne house isle of wight
Jean Osbourne House Gardens

This was taken in the gardens which I have to say were just beautiful with a gorgeous view out to sea.

osbourne house isle of wight
Sam and Jean, Osbourne House Gardens
the victory, lord nelson
The Victory

I adore this ship.  I didn’t want to get off it and would really like to go back again.  They have the sail laid out in a building from The Battle of Trafalgar and you can see all the holes in it from cannon etc.

So there you go a little glimpse courtesy of my camera.

Catch you soon

Tracey xXx

Absence Apologies

Apologies for my absence but I have had a combination of things to deal with all stressful. Now I am back and posting.

Absence Apologies

My sincere apologies for my absence and for not writing sooner but I have been quite poorly.  I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia which I will go into more detail with in future posts.  As well as being poorly I have been fighting to get my PIP reinstated which thankfully I have just done with the help of my local MP.

There has been a lot of things happening during the past couple of weeks; the start of a book, illness, a date – yes another one; I’ve got back on the saddle so to speak and various other things which have taken up a lot of my time.  

Second Date

Tonight is second date night and we are off to see the new Alien film which I will give my opinion on tomorrow.  I have been waiting a long time to see this and very excited.