Time To Re-Focus
Today I thought I would write about you.. in fact, a list of 30 things to start doing for yourself to move forward because that is the direction we should all be heading. Some of us get a bit lost, we focus on the wrong things, we make excuses for our actions or other peoples actions. It’s time to smell the coffee – that goes for me too. I’m almost there but today’s post will give me another kick up the butt and hopefully yours too and help us to focus on the things that we should be focussed on.
30 Things To Start Doing For Yourself
When I went into The Fast Clinic I’ll admit I had lost my path somewhat and I was on a huge downward spiral. I’d never been so ill, so low and so fed up and angry with myself. I’d got myself into such a state and my health was just getting worse by the day. If my daughter wasn’t at home I would have just become a recluse. The Fast Fix gave my mental and physical health a re-set and a huge one. So let’s see if I can help you with that too.
I want you to look at each one of these and read them; I don’t want you to rush through the list. The only exception is that you read through the list quickly but then go back to the start and digest each one and really think about it until you think you can fully relate to it. So here we go:
Spend Time With The Right People
Speaks for itself really doesn’t it. We all have those people in our lives or have had them in our lives that just drain you physically and emotionally. If they aren’t giving anything positive into your life you don’t need them. They are like emotional leeches sucking the life right out of you. Get rid!
Facing Your Problems Head On
It is no good putting something in the back of your mind that you know you need to deal with. Firstly it causes you undue stress and stress that can be dealt with. The thought of doing something you don’t want to is actually worse than doing it. Having it hanging there in the background all the time I’ve been there so many times and thought to myself afterwards what the hell was I worried about.
If you actually stop for a minute take a few breaths then take control of the situation you will actually feel empowered. You will feel empowered and relieved when you realise you it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as you thought it would be. So what you were worrying for? Just do it!
Being Honest With Yourself
This is so important if you can’t be honest with yourself you are living a false life. Are you pretending to be someone you are not just to try and impress someone you don’t know? It’s ridiculous because the real you will come out eventually then what will happen is heartache and sadness. If you believe in yourself and what you stand for you will feel so much better and people will feel much better around you. You can’t live a lie.
Make Your Own Happiness A Priority
This is something I should have done years ago. I have spent my life constantly making other people happy instead of myself. It is absolutely ridiculous. You can be in a relationship that you know isn’t working but you carry on with it because you don’t want to hurt them. But you are happy to hurt yourself by being in a broken relationship, suffering, miserable – just why? Why do we do that? You need to make yourself happy then make others happy.
Sometimes you need to be selfish and this is being selfish in a good way. Your own happiness is vital to be healthy emotionally and physically. As I have said before you can not pour from an empty cup.
Being Yourself Genuinely And Proudly
This goes alongside being honest with yourself. You need to be yourself. If you want to shave all your hair off shave it off. A bit extreme but you know what I mean. As long as being a genuine version of yourself does not hurt anyone else then do it and be proud. Don’t live your life with regrets. It was the same with me I desperately wanted pink hair and I was wrestling with the decision thinking about what other people would say etc. I did it though and loved it at the time I did it which wasn’t for long but I’m still glad I did it.
Noticing And Living In The Present
We all do this, worry about what happened yesterday and worry about what is going to happen tomorrow. So just think for a minute what happened yesterday you can’t change it, not at all, it is done end off so stop sweating the small stuff. Same goes with tomorrow because tomorrow does not exist what exists is you right now, this very second. Live in that moment and make the most of it.
My Mother lives in the past. She is still caught up in the moment my Father left her for someone else. Yes, it was a horrible experience but holding on to things like that is not going to do you any good. If it is something bad that happened in the past you need to be able to accept it, forgive and then move on. Because if you don’t you will become bitter, judgemental, sad, a whole list of negative things. You have to remember that life is about having lessons, we learn form these things and it makes us a better person but if you let it.
Valuing The Lessons Your Mistakes Teach You
This relates to the previous one. If you don’t learn from your mistakes you will keep doing them again and again until you do. Each mistake you make is something very valuable. When you realise you are beating yourself up about something just stop and think. Think about the mistake, why you made it, what could you have done differently, and how are you going to move on from it.
Being More Polite To Yourself
A lot of us are quite rude and horrible to ourselves. Putting ourselves down in front of other people as a way of coping with something but it’s so wrong. When I was at my largest I would constantly put myself down and turn my size into a joke but inside it wasn’t funny in the slightest. I’d laugh with everyone else but inside I was in turmoil and embarrassed and my self-esteem was non-existent. You need to start being kind to yourself. The kinder you are to yourself the happier you will be and it will have a knock on effect on the people around you.
Enjoying The Things You Already Have
A lot of us sit and think I’ve got nothing, so and so has an amazing sofa I wish I had one, so and so has the best car and mine is a piece of junk. The list goes on and on. But if you sat down and looked around yourself at what you actually have you are really quite blessed.
The majority of people have more things than they need. So take yourself through each room if you need to and just take in what you actually have. It will be more than enough to live your life and be happy. Things are just that “things”. So what if you don’t have the latest Porsche as long as the car you have takes you from A to B then on the scale of things it really doesn’t matter.
Giving Your Ideas And Dreams A Chance
Now I am living proof of this. The first thing you need to do is sit down with a pen and a bit of paper (or my book: Rediscover Who You Really Are and Where You Want To Be Using My List of 111 Questions) and list all of your dreams and ideas. The things you have wanted to do and to try. If you stay focused on your goal you will get there.
Ultimately it is up to you and not anyone else. These are your goals no one elses and it is up to you if you make them come true. These things don’t just happen on their own you have to be pro-active here. It is fine saying I want to buy such and such a car then just leave it thinking it is just going to turn up on your doorstep because the chances are that just is not going to happen. So you need to sit and think about what you have to do to get to that final point and just do it!
Believing That You Are Ready For The Next Step
Belief in yourself and your own abilities is so important. If you don’t believe in yourself you just won’t move forward it is as simple as that. People tend to stay just where they are because they are scared of failure and comfortable with what the know. If you are scared of failure you will never win or move forward. By taking the next step you are getting closer to your goal and you won’t get there without taking that step.
We only move forward in life by putting ourselves out of our comfort zone. This is a huge lesson that I learnt especially over the past couple of years. I am currently putting together an anthology, a selection of poems written by people suffering from different kinds of mental illness and this is to raise mental health awareness.
Now I am actually quite shy sometimes and used to have very little belief in my abilities. Now I knew that to get anywhere with this book that I would have to reach out for help because it wasn’t going to write itself. What I did was send an email to the local newspaper asking if they could run a story about my proposed book and ask people to donate their own poems.
Before I clicked on “send” I was so nervous, I felt sick, I thought I wouldn’t get a reply, I thought if I did get a reply it would be to say thanks but no thanks. I was putting myself out of my comfort zone here but I knew that I had to do it otherwise the book wouldn’t happen. I clicked send. And guess what the sky didn’t fall down, the house didn’t collapse, what happened was I got a reply back that day from a reporter who believed in me and my project and wanted to run a story.
By the end of the week, I was at the newspaper office, getting my photo taken and my story was put in the newspaper the following week. What I want you to learn from this is that the feeling we get when we are out of our comfort zone is actually a very good feeling and not one to be scared of. Because that is the feeling of taking the next step. Believe in yourself and take that step because it is a good thing; it is a good feeling.
Entering New Relationships For The Right Reasons
I am the world’s expert on crap relationships. With the exception of my husband, I went from one bad relationship to another. I was caught up in this vicious circle that I just couldn’t seem to get out of.
Now I think I’m quite intelligent but when it came to men I was making serious mistakes. This is because I didn’t have self-respect, I had low self-esteem, I felt guilty for the breakdown of my marriage and my son not having his father by his side, I was in effect punishing myself the whole time. Convinced I wasn’t worthy of a good man I would settle for second best because that is all I thought deserved.
What I have come to learn is that I don’t need a man to make me happy I’ve actually made myself happy and that is so very important. Because now when a man comes along I will be with him for all the right reasons. I’m happy being me and I’m no longer needy.
If someone doesn’t show me the love and respect I deserve then it is just not going to happen. I would rather be single than be with someone who puts me down, etc. Do you know what? They should be happy and privileged to have me. That is one thing I have never said to myself before. You see I know now that I am actually ok, I’m alright, I deserve better than I’ve had.
I want a relationship now and someone I can spend the rest of my life with. To enrich my life and to bring good things into it by sharing it with someone else and vice versa.
Giving New People You Meet A Chance
Not everyone is comfortable when you meet someone new. And although I know that first impressions count you do need to remember that for a short time that person could just be really nervous, or have low self-esteem etc.
It can actually take a few meetings before someone comes out of their shell. Take me, for example, I can be quite shy with people I don’t know. But the people that really know me have seen the other side and I can actually be very funny when I am comfortable with someone. As people we are multi-faceted; we have so many sides we really do. Different people bring out different qualities in you too. Be with people who can bring out the best side of you. Don’t judge someone by looks alone; people can have some amazing qualities; beauty, after all, is only skin deep.
What is important is how someone makes you feel. Yes, you have to be attracted to someone but that can develop over a short space of time. Someone’s personality is more important than their waist size.
Competing Against An Earlier Version Of Yourself
We are all guilty of this I think. In my head, I can still picture the 20-year-old version of myself, an amazing figure, long blonde hair, strutting her stuff in a white trouser suit and heels I was like a female John Travolta. I mean come on Wardy, those days are over. I will never look like that again but then I don’t need to either. What you need to be is today’s version of yourself; whatever that may be. You can still look hot 30 years on; a lot of it is a “state of mind”.
Marilyn Monroe could do this. She could walk down the street as Norma Jean and no one would notice but when she flicked that Marilyn Monroe switch everyone knew who she was. There is no need comparing yourself physically or emotionally to that person you were 20 years ago because that person is not you anymore. You need to be confident in the you that lives right now. Compare yourself to no one. Flick that Marilyn Monroe switch right now and strut your stuff.
Cheering For Other People’s Victories
This goes without saying. Whenever someone I know achieves something I am delighted for them and I make sure they know I am. There are a lot of people out there who just get jealous of others and that is not an attractive quality. Why can’t people just be happy for their friends and family? Ultimately, it comes down to their own insecurities and that is something you need to try and remember. It is nothing personal it is their problem to sort out not yours.
Everyone likes to be told well done, or get some praise for their efforts. And why shouldn’t they because they’ve earned it? Imagine you did something you were really proud of and no one acknowledges it, none of your friends or family. I find that quite sad. True friends and people with beautiful souls will cheer along their friends and be there for them to celebrate. Take a moment next time someone tells you something they are happy about and acknowledge them. It costs nothing and takes seconds.
Looking For The Silver Lining In Situations
Again this is about actively changing your mindset. I am a great believer in silver linings. You can always salvage something from a bad situation or act. The worst case scenario is it’s a life lesson we are meant to learn and it is how we move forward in life from that point. Always look for the positive. So many people just dwell constantly on the negative. They just wallow in a pool of self-pity getting nowhere fast. Some of them can’t help it because that is how their brains are wired but what you need to do is be pro-active and not reactive.
Forgiving Yourself And Others
We have kind of touched on this slightly already but it deserves a point of its own because it is so important to be able to forgive not just yourself but others too. I have had a lot of bad experiences in my life but internally I have been able to forgive everyone who hurt me either deliberately or not and move on. And yes sometimes you don’t forget. However, once you accept the situation and forgive either them or yourself or sometimes both you will be happy; genuinely happy.
Holding on to something or someone you can’t forgive is just going to be more negativity and it will infect you like a disease turning you into someone bitter and angry and stressed. These are not good feelings to have and they have a negative impact on your emotional and physical health.
So think to yourself about people you need to forgive and find it in your heart to do so. Just as importantly forgive yourself for any mistake you have made. If you have truly learnt from your mistake then it is time to forgive yourself.
One thing I used to do years ago was to write on a piece of toilet roll someone’s name in black. I would then flush it down the toilet and flush it away – easy!
Another way is to do a bit of visualisation. Imagine looking up at a beautiful blue sky and then you notice a little white fluffy cloud. Put that person into that cloud and find the more you think about it the blacker the cloud gets; Fill it with all that negativity associated with that person and get that cloud all nice and black and then just visualise it just floating away until you can’t see it anymore.
Helping Those Around You
This is something that is extremely important to me and is my sole mission in life and “soul” mission come to that. I am on a mission to make a difference in wherever way that I can and that is an important part of who I am. You should help those around you without expecting it in return. Helping others also sets off something I call a ripple effect. Chances are if you do a kind deed for someone they will go on to do the same for someone else.
These little things can mean such a lot to someone. You don’t know what is happening in other peoples lives. Sometimes a simple smile or touch of a hand can have such a massive impact on someone’s life. Be kind and be generous and be there to offer support. This is where empathy comes in because sometimes people are too scared to say they need help which brings me to the next point.
Listening To Your Own Inner Voice
Now I’m telling you here to trust your intuition as I’m telling you now your gut never lies to you. You just choose to ignore it because you don’t want to face up to the truth of something or reality. I’ve been there myself and done it loads especially in abusive relationships. When that little alarm bell goes off; trust it and act on it. If you don’t you will come to regret it.
Being Attentive To Your Stress Level And Take Short Breaks
Stress is a killer and the cause of so many problems. You need to learn to acknowledge it and deal with it. We all have different coping mechanisms but one of them is by taking a short break. This could be anything from going for a walk, phoning a friend, going for a drive or sitting in the garden with a cuppa. If possible take short breaks also as in weekends away from the thing that stresses you and do something different and/or something that makes you smile and laugh.
Notice The Beauty Of Small Moments
We walk around a lot of the time with blinkers on we really do. I think I’m quite fortunate because as a creative person and an artist you tend to pick up on beauty in different ways. For me, I can sit and watch the wind through the trees and watch those leaves dancing about. Listening to and becoming aware of the birds singing around you. Noticing the joy in a child’s face when they see something for the first time.
Someone’s laughter, someone’s smile, the effort someone has taken to do something small for you but realising the intention behind it was massive. If you think of it the day consists of a lot of beautiful small moments but we just don’t see them because we simply don’t look.
Accepting Things When They Are Less Than Perfect
How many of you beat yourself up when something isn’t perfect. I’m not being funny here but perfection doesn’t exist where you think it should. A lot of people strive to be perfect well that isn’t going to work you just need to be the best version of yourself you can be. We all make mistakes and we are not perfect and that is what makes us unique. With regards to doing something badly, as long as you know you have done the best that you could then that is good enough. If you haven’t then draw a line under it and carry on.
Working Towards Your Goal Every Day
This goes without question. Don’t procrastinate you know what your goals are and you know what you have to do to get there so just do it. If you struggle with this kind of thing write a list. When you go to bed write a list of just 3 things that you need to accomplish the following day and do them.
I know some people like to write a huge list but sometimes this can be a bit overwhelming and when you don’t tick them all off you start beating yourself up again. Three things are manageable and it will give you a sense of satisfaction for a job well done. Then go to bed and write another 3 things for the following day. Lists are underestimated they can really help you to achieve the things you want to. You could even start a journal and let it be something that you do every day.
Being More Open About How You Feel
Now we are not all psychic so we can’t tell what is going on with other people. I have been guilty of keeping my sadness bottled up in the past and didn’t talk to people about it. But I am seriously an open book. If someone asks me something they get an answer. I stay true to myself and to them and I personally don’t think there is another way to be.
If I like someone they will know about it. I don’t mess with peoples heads, and I don’t expect others to mess with mine. This goes back to being true to yourself and others. The more open you are with people they more they will gravitate towards you and respond positively. It is also ok to show your vulnerable side we all have them pretending to be made of steel just doesn’t work.
Taking Full Responsibility For Your Own Life
This is important you as you can’t go through life blaming others for your misfortunes. This is your life, your life choices, your actions, your reasons for your actions, so if it goes tits up it is your doing and no one else’s. It is all too easy to blame someone else for your overeating when really it is you that is putting it in your mouth. We blame others because we don’t want to admit we have failed or done something wrong or are insecure.
If you act on all the previous points this bit will fall into place. Accept your mistakes, forgive yourself for them and then move on or change your circumstances otherwise, the same crap will just keep happening.
Actively Nurturing Your Most Important Relationships
This is about not just your partner but your children, your grandchildren, your friends, your parents, your pets; everyone that you love or adds positivity and enhances your life. Don’t ever take any of these people for granted because life is too short and they deserve better from you.
It is amazing to love someone but show them you love them they are not mind readers, do little things for them, make them a cake, give them some flowers, send them a card, go somewhere with them, phone them, make something for them you know they will like. The list is seriously endless but show your affection and make them feel loved and wanted and needed.
Concentrate On The Things That You Can Control
Now, first of all, only you can control what you put in your mouth each and every day. So concentrate on why you need to not put certain things in your mouth. Your body needs loving and looking after and you are the only one that can do that. It is the same for the rest of your life. What can you take control of? Your fitness levels for one. Your body needs to be able to move in order for you to do things you want to and need to. Think about all the things now that you can control and stick at it.
Focussing On The Possibility Of Positive Outcomes
You need the mindset of a top athlete. When they stand on the starting line what is going through their heads. Well, I will tell you what is going through their heads is the image of them at them being first at that finishing line. Nothing else at all. They are seeing it and feeling it and that is what you need to do.
If you think you have already achieved something in your head, and make it as real as you can in your mind’s eye, i.e you have the mindset of a slim fit person, it will make that goal easier to attain. Because you are now thinking as a slim healthy person. A slim healthy person won’t want to eat the entire contents of a McDonald’s menu. It is just not an option. Because you are now focusing on positive outcomes. Failure is just not an option.
Noticing How Wealthy You Are Right Now
And I am not just talking about money although you can include that if you wish. But what other areas in your life are you wealthy? You have food, a bed, a home, a family, loved ones, the ability to be happy, healthy, creative, kind, caring. These are the things that are important. You could be extremely wealthy right now and you didn’t even realise just how much.
I hope this has given you some things to think about and will help you to feel positive and uplifted about what lies ahead.
Have an amazing weekend