10 Things About Me
So then 10 things about me, rubbing my chin in deep thought. At 47 I should be able to tell you more than 10 things about myself. But then I have always thought of myself as quite a deep and complex character on the inside. It’s almost like having two personalities the one the public sees and the one that is inside me. I’m sure that is something people can relate to.
To be honest, I am your typical Cancerian woman. Tough on the outside but soft as shit inside. I am tenacious that I do know when I have my teeth into something I don’t let go. Moreso if it is something that I am passionate about.
I am a bit of a warrior and survivor by nature I’ve had to be. What’s the alternative? I will touch on that at another point in the not too distant future.
Now I need to start my list of 10 things about me. Are you sitting comfortably then I shall begin (did I really just say that – yes I did):
- I used to be a burlesque performer. Yes, I did… I really did.. I’m not fibbing. You wouldn’t guess that looking at me now I know. But burlesque performers come in all shapes and sizes including mine (I won’t talk about the time Greenpeace tried to throw me back into the sea) Woah Wardy don’t put yourself down I hear you say. Which brings me to the part of how I ended up doing Burlesque.
I had just come out of yet again another disastrous relationship. One in which I loved my partner so very much but it wasn’t reciprocated in fact he made me feel pretty crap about myself and fat and ugly basically. So after I had given myself time to lick my wounds I knew I had to do something to sort out my self-esteem and find out who I was again. Now some people cut their hair, buy a new outfit, buy a self-help book, spend spend spend but no I had to go one step further and enroll in burlesque lessons. But I, however, had the most fantastic time at these lessons and met some of the most amazing people. I enjoyed it that much I started performing as soon as the lessons ended. If someone had told me twenty years ago that in twenty years I would be standing on a stage twirling my nipple tassels in front of a large audience I would have fallen over laughing. But I did… I stood on that damn stage and I twirled my tassels amongst other things with the best of them. I’ll admit I needed some Dutch courage at the beginning actually quite a bit of Dutch courage, kind of a bottle of prosecco kind of Dutch courage… hic up. But the buzz I felt after the performance was unlike anything else. Also seeing the effect you have on people was exhilarating. The fact you made them laugh, whoop, cheer.. people you don’t know laughing at you not because you had done something wrong or had a fat wobbly ass but because you are funny and owned it. I will never regret my time spent in burlesque.
- I performed in a can-can troupe – yep little old moi… kicking my legs like a good un In Blackpool of all places. This was alongside the burlesque but a lot more energetic. I certainly couldn’t do it now. I’d need an oxygen mask and a defibrillator at the side of the stage. But for those of you that do not know me believe it or not I can be quite shy so for me to perform in Burlesque and in a Can Can troupe running around the audience, flashing my frilly knickers and stocking tops you’d think I was mad. Hmmm, maybe I am.
- I am a Type II diabetic. My own sodding fault if you spend your life eating crap and a lot of doughnuts it’s going to bite you in the ass! It bit me… so now I am taking medication to control it and will always have to watch my diet and my health more than I used to. Don’t get me wrong I don’t deprive myself but I don’t eat as many doughnuts as I used to that’s for sure. I do need to get back on track with this and dieting and eating healthy will be something that I will be covering a lot of in the future.
- I have a condition called Fibromyalgia. Now this condition can be the worse thing ever. Tiredness, I don’t mean in an “oh gosh I’m tired today”, more of you can’t move your limbs because you are depleted of energy kind of day. Now, this isn’t every day and it’s one of those conditions that comes and goes. No day is ever the same. You can be in a lot of pain when you have a flare up so more medication to be taken. My consultant told me it is because my deep sleep isn’t deep enough to refresh my body and that starts the chain of events that leads to a flare up. When you have a day with more energy than usual you have to pace yourself otherwise you will regret it the next day or the next couple of days. It took me a while to get my head around it but I’m ok with it now. This is why I have turned myself to writing as my way forward because it fits in around my condition and is a lot better for me. I now actually feel like I’m doing something, something important and productive.
- I am the founder of a depression and anxiety support group. Several years ago I had a huge dip emotionally and needed medication and also some kind of counseling. Now counseling works for some people it worked for me once. But, seeing someone once a week for six weeks isn’t always enough. Because of this, I set up a group called Harrogate Black Dog which currently has about 200 members. I have to say this group of people are just amazing. They always support each other in the most incredible ways, no one’s messages are left unanswered. No one is judged, ridiculed, laughed at, made to feel alone or stupid. I am so glad I did this and that it helps people. I realise it is not for everyone but if it helps one person then I am happy.
- I have a first class honors degree in art and design. Yes little old me has brains or I did have but I think my grey matter may have shrunk somewhat or I’m getting dementia; maybe both – yikes. I graduated in 2002 following a horrendous couple of years. So believe me if I can do it so can you.
- I was once homeless. Yes during my degree I became pregnant (unplanned) with my youngest child who was born in 2000. Luckily for me at the time she was born during the summer so come September and the start of the new academic year my daughter came with me to lectures and the university were just fantastic. I was also able to base myself in the Harrogate College rather than Leeds which helped immensely. Because she would not take to the bottle I had to breastfeed her which meant she went everywhere with me. Now also during this time, I was living with her father who I also had a 2-year-old son with and also a son from my marriage who was 8 years old. This relationship was very turbulent and violent; he was also emotionally and financially abusive. Following one particularly violent episode, I was rehomed in a refuge for several months before being given a home by the local council. So this was all going on through my second and final year at University – newborn baby, toddler, an 8 yr old, violent relationship, no money, having moved from Leicester in 1997 no friends, no house and no furniture just the clothes on my back all at the time I was supposed to be concentrating on my degree. But I passed; I got my degree, and I got a first class honours to boot while all this was going on. Although I had mitigating circumstances they were not taken into account at the end although I was entitled to ask for them to be considered. This I am very proud of and I remind myself sometimes what I can do when I put my mind to it. I realised the power is within and promptly had this tattooed on my inner arm as a constant reminder.
Once a psychic medium said to me, “You are such a little fighter and tenacious with it, like Boadicea, and just like that Cancerian crab in a rough sea, holding onto a piece of seaweed with its claw while all the other sea creatures are being thrashed about you are there with your claw firmly holding on until the storm passes”.
- I am a published author. This is something I have wanted to do since being a teenager because I loved books and still love books. Not just fiction, but non-fiction, recipe books, art books, self-help books, spiritual books and I can spend hours in a bookshop. The published book came about in an odd way really. I was having a really bad time of it in 2015 and 2016 with dating. One disaster after another and it was really getting to me. I started writing poems about them all and had managed to get quite a collection by the end of 2016. A friend of mine read them and suggested that I should publish them and this is what happened. My first book has a link on here “Why Rainbows May Cry“. I have had a good response from it so very glad that I did it. In fact one person contacted me and told me that it made them cry. I was so humbled by this. The fact that my experience and my words moved them that much. It was a huge compliment although I don’t want to deliberately make people cry.
- My house is haunted. Things don’t happen now as much as they used to thank goodness. But I have experienced some strange things in my home and so have my children. Shadows of people walking past, the shadow of half a person walked past me when I was sat on the sofa; just the bottom half. Someone stroked my hair to the point it made me turn around and no one was there. An ex-boyfriend saw a figure walk across the landing -Just the outline (unfortunately for me it didn’t scare the boyfriend off). Things disappearing and then reappearing in strange places, door handles moving on their own. The scariest for me was when I was lying in bed, it was still dark and I felt someone sit on my bed. I froze, and believe me I kept my eyes firmly closed. Another night I was in bed falling asleep when I was enveloped by the strongest most beautiful floral smell it just permeated within me it was everywhere, really intense but beautiful then it just faded away. I get left lots of white feathers to the point where I had one tattooed on my inner wrist with a love heart inside. My little angel feather to remind me I’m not on my own.
- I have a car called Tallulah Love Rocket. Yep, I’m not making it up. It’s a black Mini Cooper S convertible and goes like shit off a shovel. Oh, I’m a classy bird me don’t you know. Just because I live in Harrogate does not make me a lady; I’m from Leicester remember me duck the home of the bright fluorescent orange cheese and the very gorgeous Kasabian! Anyway because I have such a diabolical memory I can never remember my number plate when I need to so I bought a private one with my initials on it. TLW which as well as being my initials is also the initials of my car but as my dad says, Tallulah Love Wocket.
So that was painless, 10 things about me some of you may know but not everyone. Think I might do a follow up to this in a couple of months with another ten incredibly interesting facts – yeah they will be – I promise :o)